Essay on Vulgar Wedding Roast by a Childhood Friend

Vulgar Wedding Speech by a Childhood Friend Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This is my first experience in playing such a large role in a wedding. And I really appreciate Lee and Susan giving me the opportunity to make a fool of myself in front their friends and family, rather than just my own all the time. Yes, I am feeling pretty nervous at the moment, but not as nervous as Lee was this morning. He said that he had a few butterflies in his stomach. Well, he should be feeling better now, as I found this in the toilet just after hed left it. [hold up a brick] But unlike me he didn’t have anything to be nervous about. Everything has gone to plan and I can’t imagine a happier way to start married life than in this wonderful†¦show more content†¦Unfortunately, I have played a part in most of these incriminating events and I really dont want to tarnish my impeccable reputation. So instead, Ill keep things very short by talking about Lees one and only weakness – an inability to wipe himself (wipe his own arse)! According to his brother Graham, he relied on his mom (mum) to perform this service for him. Lee would scream at the top of his voice â€Å"I’VE FINISHED†, which was his mother’s (mum’s) cue to come running to his aid. This went on for many years, but I’m not going reveal how old he was when it finally stopped as it’s just too humiliating. Suffice to say, 21 turned out to be his mother’s lucky number! Without wishing to go on about Lee’s ass (arse), it’s only fair to also mention the time his father came to his rescue. He was on a family holiday in Spain when Lee developed a massive, double headed boil between his cheeks. This was causing him considerable distress and his father could bear the suffering and screaming no more. So armed with a pair of scissors he set about removing the offending thing. But he failed to get a good grip on Lee’s tongue and squeezed the boil out instead. Ladies and Gentlemen, its been an honor albeit the most terrifying experience of my life to be the best man here today and I’d like to offer the bride and groom the traditional Best Man’s wish of good luck, good health and happiness. I must also wish you an enjoyable honeymoon. Watch out for the Hotel pool thoughShow MoreRelatedAfro-Asian Literature10586 Words   |  43 Pagescould not answer myself. Even now, this remains fresh in my memory. It often causes me distress, and makes me try to think about myself. The military and political affairs of those years I have forgotten as completely as the classics I read in my childhood. Yet this incident keeps coming back to me, often more vivid than in actual life, teaching me shame, urging me to reform, and giving me fresh courage and hope.    QUESTIONS: a) Lu Xun  (simplified Chinese:  Ã© ² Ã¨ ¿â€¦;  traditional Chinese:  Ã© ­ ¯Ã¨ ¿â€¦;  pinyin:  LÇ”Read MoreThe Ballad of the Sad Cafe46714 Words   |  187 Pageswas only twenty-three, Carson McCullers first novel, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, became a literary sensation. Since that time, her reputation has grown with every successive work. Such novels as Reflections In a Golden Eye, The Member of the Wedding and Clock Without Hands have won her comparison with such diverse masters as Melville, Flaubert and Faulkner -- which is to say: no critic has succeeded in easily capsulizing the full dimensions of her talent. Perhaps none of her works more brilliantly